Hidden Happiness

Hey Dad,

It’s been a while. Despite that, I think of you daily. It’s been hard not to cry. Tears always seem to come at inconvenient times.

Did you greet the newest angel this past weekend? I bet she’s made you laugh a bit already. So many cherished memories with that one.

Lately I’ve been struggling. It seems bad news of the harshest kind has been delivered on a regular basis. Is this the trend as I continue to age? Am I more aware because of my experience and exposure? Is it like the new car theory – when you purchase a new car, it suddenly seems everyone has the same kind of vehicle too, but instead of cars, we’re talking about cancer, losing parents, children.

On Tuesday, I was dubbed with the task of pinning a personal goal for myself, and I’m already experiencing a set back. I suppose focusing on the negative can help me move through it and beyond to the positive? I’m hopeful that’s the case. I tend to operate from a more positive mindset, but sitting alone at night brings out the thoughts we tend to push down during the daylight hours. Sometimes embracing something helps it no longer be a “thing”.

Happiness seems to be more hidden, maybe even camouflaged with the shadows as of late. I’ve been searching for it and waiting for it to find me all at the same time. Maybe if I stand still just for a moment, I can land upon it? Maybe a glimmer will catch my eye?

I will look to tomorrow for a ray to point me in the right direction, a breeze to uncover an overlooked path, or a guiding “shoulder tap”. Maybe I can be someone’s hidden happiness as others have been for me on so many occasion? My plight is on going, that’s for sure. Today, I’m just extremely saturated.

Thanks for listening, Dad. I’ll be sure to fix my “dam”. It currently has a rather large crack due to sleep deprivation. In the meantime, please send me another song. I truly enjoyed the one you shared last night.

143. -CJ

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